Deep Thoughts of a Stay at Home Mom

Guilt fills me today. False guilt? Maybe, but guilt nonetheless. Let me give you a backstory.. Well today I went for a maintenance check for my car, and I only had $100 on me. I thought it was just an oil change and a tire rotation. On the phone, I was told that it would cost $60 altogether because I got a free tire rotation since I had bought the tires with that company. So in my mind, I had some money to spare.

Well this morning I got both of the boys (my 2 and a half year old and my almost 2 month old) in the car with all of their things, and I only showed up 5 minutes late to the appointment! Haha. Thankfully my mom had met me at the shop to help me run errands with the boys while they worked on my car. About an hour after dropping off my car, I got a call that one of my tires was damaged from the inside and out. It was something I was kind of aware of since the week before, a piece of a tire fell off of a truck and flung under my tire. I hadn’t noticed any damages on my own though so I dismissed it (I forgot about it to be honest).

Anyways, long story short, with an alignment, tire replacement, oil change, etc., my total was $610 somehow. That’s a little more that the $100 I had in my pocket. My husband sent me the money for repairs after I had to call him at work, but now do you see where my guilt comes in? Yes, I know that it is the family car that I use to get groceries, go to appointments, and other random things that my family needs, but it’s still my car, and I hate having to ask for that much money to fix it..

I wish I could work, but I barely even find time to feed myself some days. I just try to help everyone in my home with their needs. I cook, clean, bathe my little ones, make sure my hubby has what he needs, make sure the bills are paid on time, and the list goes on for miles. I try to keep my head up, but today, I did not feel like I was enough for my family.

At the end of the day, I had to remind myself that I am doing the most important job that there is. I am keeping two small children alive and well 24/7. Even if I wanted to work, I would constantly wonder how my baby is doing and if my toddler was happy. I understand them and love them more than anyone ever could. They need me right now, and I need them.

I also reminded myself that my husband and I are a TEAM. He works his butt off, and he is a wonderful daddy, and I keep the home running behind the scenes. Neither of us could do life without the other. I appreciate him so much for all that he has done for this family, and I hope he knows it. One day I hope that I can make an income with my blog and podcast that can help him have a financial break. It’s not impossible with hard work!

To be honest, I’m not sure if this was a just a rant or a relatable blog post, but thank you for reading. I hope to have some uplifting content soon, but I created this blog to be real and transparent about motherhood, and along with the good days, there are always hard ones too. You just have to look for the bright side! Thank you all for your support, and stay tuned for more content soon! 💙

Read another relatable post here: 5 Things That Stay at Home Moms Need to Remember